new orleans: livin' the American dream

please tell me that you are watching, hearing or reading the daily reports on www.democracynow.org Amy Goodman, one journalist who actually gives a shit, isn't letting this story fade away. today she did a segment on Prometheus Radio's attempts to set up a low-powered FM radio station in the Houston Astrodome so that refugees can find out things like when they will be bussed out, where they will go, where family members are -- you know, stuff that is just a teensy weensy bit more important than what happened on the latest (un)reality show. the FCC, I was stunned to hear, granted them an emergency transmitting license in 2 days. but. (of course there's a but) there is some person "in charge" who believes that the Astrodome is her personal fifedom and she will not let them set up the radio station in the stadium. the radio folks have been jumping through all the hoops this woman has set, and they still aren't being allow to broadcast even though the FCC fer crissake says they can. I don't think this story made it on Fox News.

I listen to Democracy Now! every morning (7 - 8am, on 1390 AM in Denver, CO). for the past three days, I've been overwhelmed, feeling a hole in my gut, choking on tears in my pillow. every day. the same feeling. shame. I feel shame.

I feel so much fucking shame to have ANYTHING, anything at all in common with the classist racist fucks that created the human destruction in new orleans. you might say to yourself, well, grrl, you don't have anything in common with them so don't worry. but, you see, I do. you do. we all do. see, I'm an American. I'm white. I pay federal taxes* (see end of post) sure, I recycle. I vote in every single election, every year. I write & publish articles to translate that nonsensical bureaucratic mumbo-jumbo into words almost anyone can understand. I get into conversations with strangers about politics. I'm an activist, agitating for change, for equality, in every arena I can. I'll tell anybody who asks (and probably some who don't) that I'm a radical. politically, economically, socially, sexually radical. but still. I feel ashamed.

I want to be clear, though -- I do not feel helpless. oh no, if anything, I'm more energized today than I was yesterday, or six weeks ago, or two years ago. I am more committed to my life, to your life, to our collective lives as creatures of beauty and love than I have ever been, ever. those of you who know some of my history might be thinking that I've been really really committed in the past. and you'd be right. but. but I think this is bigger. I still have the passion, the determination, the brazenness that I've shown throughout most of my life. but the difference is that now I'm gaining the spiritual depth. being Buddhist for a decade taught me a lot about myself, things I needed to explore. an I am so very grateful for the gifts buddhism has given me. since I've been part of Quaker meetings, though, I've been challenged in a new way, challenged to move along in my personal development. one critique of Gandhi was that by being so inwardly focused, he became a bit self-indulgent. I think that's the part of Quaker meeting that just melts my heart. it is a place to LISTEN to things greater than yourself. listen to yourself, certainly. but to listen also to each and every soul in that room. to listen to The Spirit. without judgement. it teaches me, too, to reflect for not just seconds but for minutes on my words. group silence is the most powerful thing I've ever felt. but, unlike sitting in buddhist meditation, Quaker meeting is not individuals sitting in silence together. it is a group of people who sit together. mostly in silence, but who are free to speak if she feels so moved. the cultural norms are different. but this wasn't suppsed to be about me. it's about Hurrican Katrina...


devastating hurricanes happen all the time (in other countries). last year, Cuba had a class 5 hurricane. Castro evaculated every single person in the projected path (as in, he knew ahead of time that a bad one was coming). one-and-a-half million people evacuated. NOT ONE LIFE WAS LOST. and Castro's the "bad guy"?

Bob, I'd like to exchange President Bush for what's behind door number two. think maybe it's a monkey? a monkey would work.

peace,
tigger grrl


* on the issue of paying taxes: I began to think today that it's time to become a tax resister. it made me sick to my stomach to think that my paltry but hard-earned money was in any way shape or form going to people who are not only trigger happy to kill brown foreigners, but are also happily starving black people who are law-abiding citizens of THIS country. (did you hear that Barbara Bush said that those in the Astrodome are fortunate to be there because they didn't have it so good before? compassionate conservative my ass!) but I don't think I can get college loans if I don't have an income tax return. and I sure as shit don't have the money to pay for school on my own. so, what's the greater good here -- withhold my taxes and end up homeless again, or stick with school so I can build the community cafe of my dreams? maybe it's a selfish cop-out, but right now, I'm going with school.